Love the Unexpected

First, let me explain a little bit about our story.

My husband and I were married in September 2021 and we’ve managed to pack several big life events into the last two years. 

Shortly after our wedding, I got the call about a job that I had applied for a few months earlier. It was with an organization that I had supported and respected for years – in short, it was my dream job. We were living in Southern Ontario at the time but this job would require a move across the country to Alberta. After much deliberation and prayer, we decided to do it. It was a commitment for a two year contract and though we knew we wanted to start a family, we felt that timeline would still fit with our plans. 

“Commit your way to the Lord;

    trust in him and he will do this:

He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn,

    your vindication like the noonday sun.”

Psalm 37:5-6

As the Psalm says, we committed our way to the Lord and trusted in Him; however, His plans took us in a direction that we didn’t entirely see coming. 

I started my new job in January 2022. At the beginning of March, we found out that we were pregnant. I was shocked and if I’m honest, somewhat dismayed. I’d always dreamed of starting a family and was excited for the day that I would have children of my own. Still, as excited as I was to see that dream unfolding, I was taken aback at the amount of fear and anxiety that accompanied the news. 

I had just started a new job – we’d moved over 3000 km for it and it was just as great when I arrived as I had thought it would be. How could I leave after just eight or nine months? We were living in a two bedroom, second floor apartment. Would we be able to afford it on my husband’s salary alone? What if something went wrong with the pregnancy? My mind went through worst case scenarios on repeat. What I didn’t know was that this was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to news I was going to receive throughout my pregnancy. 

I went in for my first ultrasound and I remember laying in the ultrasound room and watching the screen. As I watched, I had a moment where I thought, “are there two?”. I immediately dismissed the thought. I had never seen an ultrasound before and assumed I didn’t really know what I was looking at. I can honestly say, the thought of twins did not enter my consciousness again. Instead, I started to get a bit anxious. The technician was being awfully quiet and I noticed that she was taking many measurements, like the heartbeat, twice. 

Was there something wrong? Was she having trouble finding the heartbeat? Was it too fast or slow?

Finally, she finished taking her pictures. 

“Well,” she said, “You’re not quite far along enough for me to give you a date, but what I can tell you is that you are having twins.”

“Oh my”, I remember saying and laughed. I laughed the whole way back to work. Not a “this is so funny” type of laugh, but the “I have no idea how else to react” kind. 

Surprisingly, the idea of two babies didn’t hit me as hard as initially finding out I was pregnant. It did, however, urge us to get more serious about finding a house. We had known we wanted to try to buy, despite the outrageous market, and spent the first few months of our pregnancy looking for the right place. We put an offer on our townhouse condo and were accepted. It wasn’t big, but it ticked all our boxes and ended up being a true blessing. 

Shortly after moving, we headed into our twenty week ultrasound. This was one I was excited for. In the previous ultrasounds, I’d felt like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop, expecting to receive bad news. But, after getting past the initial dating/viability and subsequent twelve week screenings, I was feeling good. This was the first one that my husband would attend and we would be finding out the genders of our babies. 

Everything seemed to be going fine. The technician walked us through each part she was looking at and measuring. We found out we were having a boy and a girl. We were thrilled. As the ultrasound came to a close, we were lead to one of the offices for the doctor to go over our results. No concern there. This was just like the last scan when they told me the babies looked great. 

The doctor walked in.

“Everything is looking good, I just have one concern.” She said.

This was where my heart dropped. 

“It looks like Baby A might have a cleft lip and palate. We can’t tell for certain how severe it is based on this scan, or whether both the lip and palate are affected but it does appear that he has at least a cleft lip.”

Okay, a cleft lip and palate. I was torn between shock and relief. No one ever wants to hear that there is anything wrong with their baby but I had heard about clefts and knew it was something that was correctable. 

We asked a few follow-up questions, things that first came to my mind. Things like whether breastfeeding would still be possible, when they usually did the repair surgeries. The doctor answered us as best she could, then let us know that we would need to come back for a second ultrasound the next week at one of their Maternal Fetal Medicine offices. They would do a 3D ultrasound and assess the severity then. 

My husband and I walked out of the clinic that day, unsure how to feel. I remember that I felt close to tears but my husband had taken the news like he takes most news – in stride. 

“It’s something that can be corrected and there isn’t anything we can do to change it. We’ll just take it one step at a time.” It was a calm and level-headed response, which was exactly what I needed. 

I went back to work that day and had a difficult time concentrating. I went to the bathroom several times to cry. My baby would be born with a deformity. We didn’t know how bad it would be, but it was something we needed to prepare for. 

It didn’t help that I received a deluge of phone calls immediately after the appointment. It seemed like everyone and their brother needed to talk to me.

I got a call from my doctor to make sure I understood the news, the ultrasound clinic to book the next appointment, the geneticist to set up a call in case we wanted to do genetic testing and the cleft lip and palate clinic that we would be referred to. I was overwhelmed and whatever thoughts I had around this not being a big deal vanished with each conversation.

Still, as emotional as I felt, there were several truths that brought peace to my heart in spite of the news that we’d received. If you too are facing the possibility of a baby born with a cleft lip and palate or even if you’ve received other news that you’re finding overwhelming, I pray that you may be able to relate to some of these points and find comfort there.

I’d also like to acknowledge that these were things I had to remind myself about continually. There were many hard and emotionally challenging days that followed our diagnosis and it wasn’t always easy to see the positive. Still, these reminders of God’s goodness never failed to turn my heart toward Him in praise and prayer.

1. I was experiencing a healthy pregnancy

In spite of the news we received about Baby A’s mouth, both of our babies were otherwise developing very well. We had every reason to believe that they would be born healthy – while the cleft may have been unexpected, it wasn’t life threatening. When I considered the many things that could go wrong in a twin pregnancy, I was so thankful that things were otherwise going smoothly.

2. My baby would be so loved

When I first found out about the cleft, my main concern was around how people would receive my baby based on his different appearance. My new mama heart couldn’t bear the idea of my son being rejected or looked down on because of his cleft.

In those moments, I reminded myself of all the people in my husband’s and my circle who already loved him so much. He would be born into a family full of people who would welcome him with open arms, regardless of his appearance. If strangers couldn’t see past it, that was a problem with the state of their own hearts. The people in his life who really mattered, didn’t care.

3. He had a support system that would help him through challenges

In our case, we had the extra-special assurance that he wouldn’t just have parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles who would provide support through appointments and surgeries. Our little guy would have a twin sister to walk beside him.

Not only that, but we had a team of doctors, dentists, dieticians and more who would assist us through each step.

4. The cleft lip and palate were correctable

Especially after Twin A was born, as we walked through the children’s hospital and NICU and saw so many kids with serious health challenges, it made me thankful that this was something that could be repaired. While our baby would face more than the average child in his early years, it wasn’t something that would impact him his whole life. The struggle had a deadline and that was a blessing.

5. We lived in a time and place when the necessary care was accessible

This is something I realize isn’t true for every family. Here in Canada, we are so blessed that the care needed for Baby A was readily accessible. I was referred to the cleft lip and palate clinic in our area within hours of finding out about the diagnosis.

They provided valuable support even before Baby A was born, and continue to walk us through every step of the process. I had so much relief in my heart, knowing that I didn’t need to worry about how I would get access to the necessary doctors and surgeries or how we would pay for his care.

These were the things that I kept in mind as we walked into the second half of our pregnancy.