Love the Unexpected

Once upon a time, I considered myself to be a fairly patient person. That was until I married one of the most patient people I’ve ever known in my life. It’s one of his best qualities and I reap the benefits of it over and over again; and yet sometimes it drives me crazy. Why is that?

Maybe it’s because there are only two ways you can compare on a quality like this. You’re either more or less patient.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realized that I am really quite impatient. I don’t like waiting for things, be they good or bad. If it’s good, I want it as soon as possible. If it’s bad, I want the band-aid ripped off. But that in between of sitting in limbo and anticipation isn’t something I enjoy.

Over the last year, there have been many circumstances that have tested my patience. But, this isn’t an article about patience. It’s about perseverance. So what’s the difference?

To be patient is to be “steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity”. Perseverance is the “continued effort to do or achieve something despite difficulties, failure or opposition”.

In other words, to be patient is to be immovable in the face of opposition. To persevere is to keep moving in spite of opposition. These definitions may seem contradictory and yet the two go hand in hand. Persevering requires a significant amount of patience – continuing to work toward a goal when faced with difficulties requires a steadfast hope of reaching it.

When we received our cleft lip and palate diagnosis, we were warned by the experts that feeding was going to be a challenge.

From the time our son was born, every new milestone in eating has been a battle. It started with weaning him off his Nasogastric (NG) feeding tube. Then it was getting him to eat solids after lip repair surgery and start scaling back his bottle. Our current challenge has been weaning him onto a cup, which is crucial for his upcoming palate repair surgery. He’ll be on a liquid diet for the first two weeks but can’t drink from a bottle.

Each time we’ve started a new phase, it’s been a test of our perseverance. It’s required us to take little steps every day, so small that it feels like we’re barely moving forward. But in repeating this cycle a few times over the last year, there are some patterns that I’ve noticed.

1. It’s not fruitless

There have been many times during our cleft journey that I’ve felt like my efforts were in vain. Every mediocre feed felt like a failure, and I felt helpless. I was doing everything in my power to get my little boy to eat or drink but I was constantly met with resistance.

Hebrews 12:1 says this:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

The author describes the Christian life as a race – not a short 100 metre dash, but a lengthy distance that requires significant endurance.

I’ve run a few races and in each one, there was a stretch of road that had been measured and marked out for us.

There’s always an electric energy as everyone finds their starting place and gets ready to set off.

But the time always comes where the novelty starts to wear off. You lose those starting jitters and somewhere in the middle, it becomes a grind. You’re nowhere near the finish line but you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

In a race, you have the advantage of knowing about how much ground you’ve covered and how much further you have to go. In life, we don’t have those metrics. But we can be assured that every step we are taking is covering ground. It’s moving us forward and it isn’t fruitless.

Romans 5:3-4 says:

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance character; and character, hope.

The fruit of our perseverance isn’t found just in reaching our goal. Through the journey, our character grows stronger. And through that strengthened character we find hope in the midst of our circumstances. That hope isn’t for in a change in our circumstances, but in the God who sees us, fights for us, and graciously hears our prayers.

In the times that feel hopeless, our perseverance isn’t fruitless.

2. It’s faith-building

Philippians 4:6 says:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Romans 12:12 says:

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer

As we’ve worked with our son, we’ve prayed endlessly about each new challenge. When he was on the feeding tube, I prayed every night for God to help us get him off it. When he wasn’t taking solids, again, I prayed over him every night that he would learn to eat. I pray with him now that he would learn how to drink effectively from a cup.

I’ve noticed something wonderful over the last year as I’ve persistently prayed. With each one of these hurtles, I’ve watched my prayers shift from pleading to praise.

It didn’t happen instantly – in each case, there was a lot of slow progress that gradually led us to the point where we could say goodbye to a particular challenge. But in every case, we’ve seen God answer our prayers.

He made it off the feeding tube. He learned to love eating solids. He’s finally working with the cup, and we’re seeing progress.

Though our faith has been tested through this experience, we’ve had the opportunity to witness God’s faithfulness. Our faith has grown as a result.

3. It’s not easy

Maybe this is a little obvious – by definition, we’re only persevering if we’re running up against opposition. But, it’s worth mentioning because I think it’s a test of our motives.

James 1:2-4 says:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking in anything

Its easy enough to work toward a goal if it seems like fun, we find some joy in it and we’re met with little resistance along the way. It’s when we hit roadblocks that we start to question – is this really worth pursuing?

A superficial motivation or half-hearted commitment won’t cut it for anything that’s worth persevering for. We have to be all in and willing to face the adversity to keep moving forward. What we’re striving for has to be worth the effort.

For our son, this was easy. Every challenge and all the work that’s gone into overcoming it, we’ve known would be worth it in the end. But not every trial in life will be so straight-forward. Sometimes we will question whether it’s worthwhile to keep going. But it’s in persevering through those circumstances that we mature in our faith.

Conclusion

I know that we have many more challenges ahead and life is unpredictable. We can’t know what trials we might have to face in the future and spending too much time thinking about it would be overwhelming.

But, my prayer is that I would keep my developing patience in the meantime – and that God would help me to persevere through each new circumstance that comes our way.